God knows who I am :)

So, after my previous, rather sad, but honest, blog - Heavenly Father sent 3 angels to let me know that He loves me and is aware of me.

Angel number 1 appeared on my doorstep with this stunning bouquet of sunflowers and an encouraging note. Coming from such a remarkable woman as she is - the note was quite overwhelming! Thank you, Angel number 1.





Angel number 2 is a fellow cancer survivor. When she heard that I was going through breast cancer, she wanted to come and talk to me. She has been done with treatments for about a year. She is the same age as my daughter Sarah and we've known each other since she was a little girl. Her visit reminded me that I am very blessed. I don't have little children who require my care whether I feel good or not. I'm not dealing with the forced onset of menopause - 20 years before I should be. I WILL have hair again. Thank you, Angel number 2.

Angel number 3 came to bring me a small gift - because she thought of the movie "Pollyanna" and wanted to cheer me up! Isn't that "ironic"? If you don't understand, go back to my blog posted on May 20. There is a scene in the movie where Pollyanna's friend takes her to play a trick on an old curmudgeon-y guy who has a reputation for meanness. Of course, they get caught and hauled into the house. Pollyanna turns the whole thing around and makes a new friend -- The man has several lamps made of hanging crystals. Pollyanna convinces him to take all of the crystals and hang them around the room, anywhere sunshine will hit them. The room becomes full of rainbows, the curmudgeon-y guy has his heart softened etc. etc. Anyway, my angel friend brought me a crystal of my own that I can hang in my window and have my own rainbow!

Thank you Angel number 3.

Thank you to all of you angels for the way you have blessed my life and given me hope!!!

Only 2 more to go

So, I've now had 6 out of 8 chemo treatments! Nothing new with this one. I had lovely visits with my friends Penny & Ramona - thanks for taking time out of your day to come and sit with me! Then my sweet daughter, Jenny, spent the last little bit with me and brought me home - loved spending time with you! Thank you, Sarah, for watching the kids so Jenny could come!

Friday we spent the day on the Alpine Loop. We got a table right by the river - I love the sound of the river. While we were eating lunch, a humming bird came right up next to Kent's face and then hovered all around him. Kent was wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt covered in flowers! :) It was really amazing - I wish I'd taken a picture. Here are a few pictures of Kent's growing collection of wild flowers:

These were some of my favorites.

He claims this was his:

Despite the bone pain, I had a really lovely weekend. Harry Potter is AWESOME and it was so fun to see it with most of my kids! For the first time in a long time I was able to attend all 3 meetings on Sunday. Our grandson, Jackson, gave his first talk in Sacrament meeting. He did such a great job. He looked at the audience, he spoke slowly and clearly and didn't seem very nervous! Way to go, Jackson! I was able to go home and lay down until our Sunday School started - maybe THAT'S why I made it through all 3! It was really nice to be in Relief Society. I love all of the sisters, so.

Now it is Monday morning and my bones are still hurting. Last night wasn't the greatest, but I did sleep!! If things go as before, the pain will be gone by tomorrow. :) [The bone pain has not left. It isn't worse than before but is lasting longer. -- I'm hoping I can sleep better tonight!]
I started this yesterday but set it aside because I couldn't quite decide what it is I want to say.

Despite the pleasant things I did this past weekend - they weren't as pleasant as they would have been if I didn't have cancer. I never feel totally joyful or enthused about whatever it is I'm doing. I haven't suffered what many people suffer from side-affects but emotionally I struggle. Even if I'm feeling "good" there lurks in the background this disease with all of its unknowns: Will it come back? Will I be strong enough? What am I suppose to learn from this and am I learning it? Is there something worse coming?? I HATE CANCER!!!


Yet, how dare I feel sorry for myself when my 2-year-old great niece just had a softball-sized tumor removed from her little head! She still faces chemo or radiation, or maybe both. How do you explain to her why she feels so bad - or what exactly it is that is happening to her?! Did I mention that I HATE CANCER!?

One thing I HAVE learned - your prayers in my behalf, work. I feel so much love and care from all of you and I love you for it!

Bone pain, Below normal, Bald head

Just some thoughts as I look back on the 10 days since my fifth chemo treatment.

Saturday and Sunday following chemo the bone pain increased and the nausea returned. :( Now, let me say this - as long as I took advil or tylenol and used heating pads, the pain was manageable - so can't complain TOO much. :) By the following Tuesday, the pain was gone, as was the nausea. Two days, out of fourteen - I can live with that! I realize, as I have many times in the past 4 months, that I am truly blessed. Your prayers are working in my behalf - I don't understand why, but I am extrememly grateful!

This time around, even though I knew I was getting low, I didn't FEEL as low as I have in the past. I scheduled an appointment to go in and have my levels checked so that I could see how much higher I was. Surprise - I WASN'T higher, I was just as low as I have been. Maybe the fact that I have been sleeping better is what gives me more energy.? Anyway, I am, again, very grateful.

Third thing - I've decided that either I have a fat head, or an extremely slippery one! I cannot get silky scarves to stay on my head - no matter what I do. When I went to the doctor's on Friday - my scarf came off in the parking lot and I had to go back to the car and retie it! Thankfully, it did stay on through the visit and I made it home before it fell off again. Even the cloth ones seem to work their way up eventually and I find myself in need of pulling them back into place. So - what's your vote - fat or slippery? [or all of the above?] ;)

Another milestone

Well, I had my first treatment with the new chemo - Taxol. I didn't have an allergic reaction during the infusion - that was good. For the first time in many weeks I don't feel nauseous or have a head ache! I'm very anemic so my fatigue level is pretty high - I also sleep more, but since I wasn't sleeping that great before, I don't mind! The Taxol does give me bone pain - but I'm taking Claritin for my allergies [which, oddly enough, helps with bone pain] and I occasionally take advil or something, so it is manageable. All in all, I'm doing very well.

I was very nervous before I went for my treatment on Thursday. Not about getting the treatment but about NOT being able to get it. On Wednesday morning I woke up with the left side of my head plugged up - including sore throat and ear ache. It was worse Thursday morning and I was certain they would send me home with no chemo. Since I didn't have a fever the doctor was okay about going ahead. I was so relieved.

Taxol takes longer to infuse and they give me a large dose of Benadryl before so I'm there about 5 or 6 hours [counting doctor time]. I had a lovely visit with my neighbor, Penny and then with my daughter, Sarah - so the time was well spent!

Yesterday [Friday], Kent and I spent the day up at Aspen Grove, enjoying the smell of pine trees and fresh air. The beauties were amazing!

Since the trip

I have had a much better time, emotionally, on this round than on my 3rd. Your prayers have worked - so thank you!!!

We had a very sweet experience on Tuesday. Well, it was totally good for me, Kent's was mixed with nerves. Anyway, Kent was the devotional speaker on Tuesday and since I had been asked to sit on the stand with him, I arrived around 10:25 or so. There were a handful of people there - but no Kent or anyone that looked official enough to tell me what I should do. Happily, some of those "handful of people" were students from our Winter semester in Jerusalem. It was so good to see them and get caught up. They had some early to save a row or two for more JC students so they would all be sitting right in front! It was so much fun to greet each new bunch that came in, and then Kent's brother, Roger came too!
We did have to go sit on the stand earlier than we really wanted to so the greetings to more entering students were done with nods, smiles and small waves.
President Samuelson greeted us as we arrived at our seats. He called me by name and asked how I was feeling! He was so kind and gave me lots of encouragement.
Kent did a fabulous job (if I do say so myself!) and the audience seemed to respond well to it. As we were leaving the stage, we were able to see MORE friends: more students - even one from back in 1997; 2 of our "favorite" cousins; Walter and Mary Whipple - whom we met when we first arrived in Jerusalem; a friend from the 7th ward -- oh it was just so fun!!

Now, none of the above is a great deal of activity - but I was exhausted and had to rest when I got home.

Since then, I have been pretty much confined to home for my low days. I've done a puzzle, read 1+ books, and tried to do a few chores in between to keep myself busy. This is my last day of confinement, and I'm feeling pretty good. I've had some nice visits from friends - thank you for the books, soup, notes, web cam visit - that was a fun surprise!, encouragement and love. It all makes such a difference!

The trip

So - we left on Friday, June 24. I got Kent a GPS for Father's Day - so we broke that in! I felt sorry for the machine! We wanted to travel on roads we hadn't driven on before - that meant off-road. "American Jane" got very confused and had to keep "recalculating". Kent also had great fun changing the language of our GPS. I'd fall asleep to some Australian woman and wake up to Turkish or Arabic. It was great entertainment.

Our destination for Friday was Torrey, UT. We planned to have dinner at our favorite restaurant there, "El Diablo". Well. . . . . off-roading also means maps and GPS don't know when the dirt road ahead is washed out. Our poor car - we dinged up the front bumper and one of the side panels fell off due to really BIG wash outs! Anyway, Kent finally parked and WALKED ahead until he could see there was no getting through. That meant retracing our bumpy road for several hours and approaching Torrey from another direction. We arrived at our hotel at 10:00 pm. :)
I had to have something in my stomach before then so we stopped at some little sandwich place along the way and I got a delicious grilled cheese sandwich and some chocolate milk. My tummy was happy! You could tell this place got a lot of business, because there were 2 teenagers working and one of them was being trained. The sandwich was worth the wait!!

Saturday - Original plan - get up fairly early and drive to Bull Frog and take the ferry across Lake Powell.
Actuality - we both slept in until about 9:00 - got to the "complimentary" breakfast by the skin of our teeth, and went to Hite and overlooked Lake Powell. :)
We spent the day in Natural Bridges. I read and slept, Kent hiked around taking pictures of more wildflowers. I was hoping that going on this trip would make me feel better physically. I'm not sure WHY I thought that - it didn't happen. But, if I'm going to be tired, head-achy, and nauseous I might as well be somewhere beautiful that isn't home! Actually, I have to amend this a bit. Thanks to a discovery by my friend Tina, I DID have less nausea - thank you Tina!! For anyone else who suffers from chronic nausea, for whatever reason, let me share.
Tina's daughter is expecting and is VERY sick. So the two of them went to Good Earth to see what they might find that would help her. They were introduced to Ginger products. Tina made a little care package of them for me to try - and they work! The package included some Ginger tea, ginger hard candy, and Ginger Chews. The chews were my favorite. They were very strong, so a little bite lasted for a few hours. The whole piece of candy lasted me an entire day - sometimes more. Unfortunately, I have used up my package, so Tuesday I'm hitting Good Earth for some refills!
We spent the night in Monticello.

Sunday we went to Sacrament meeting in Monticello - all 3 talks were very good! Then we drove home. We arrived home about 4:30 or so. It was nice to be home but I'm glad we got away for a few days! Kent took hundreds of pictures of wildflowers - here are my favorites: