Milestone!

I'M HALF-WAY THROUGH, LEAVING FOR A WEEKEND GET-AWAY WITH MY SWEETIE, AND FEELING GOOD!!!!!!!!

More when we return.

A request from me to you

My dear friends,

I've had an insight [sometimes I'm a little slow on these things] - I know that all of you are praying for me and for Kent but I'd like to ask you to focus your prayers a bit in my behalf. If you've read my "highs and lows" blog you know I'm struggling emotionally/spiritually. Would you please ask the Lord to help me fight harder against the lows and be able to lift myself above the discouragement and fatigue? Your prayers have done wonderful things for me thus far - so I have great faith that they can help me with this new struggle.

How thankful I am for all of you and for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who hears and answers prayers!!

love to you all!

Highs & Lows -- some observations -- this was started on the 16th but finished on the 20th

Well, I'm now past another set of lows, working my way back up to have my 4th round of chemo on Thursday. This has been the most difficult, emotionally, so far. No matter how sweet Kent tried to cheer me up - I felt tired, sad, and . . . . tired. Uncharacteristically, Sunday was actually the best of the low days! Anyway - here are some of the thoughts I've had during the past week.

I know you've all discovered this same thing at some trial in your life -- you appreciate things more when suddenly they are limited or denied to you! Here are some of mine:

exercising with my friends every morning
hugs
food that tastes normal
snuggling with grandchildren
going on a last-minute getaway with Kent
salad bars
"simple" chores [no chore is simple anymore]
a warm head
control -- this week in particular I have been on the verge of tears most of the time. Any conversation brought tears to the surface and simple frustrations became a HUGE deal - poor Kent got worried, I'm sure. Thankfully, I was able to NOT break down in a fit of crying - just a fit ;(. Kent would REALLY have been worried, then!

Now, so that you won't be scared off, or think I've TOTALLY lost it - there are also some happy outcomes that I've found in this trial:

doing a "simple" chore brings a greater sense of accomplishment now
exercising doesn't take as long
I'm saving tons of money on shampoo
I only have to shave my legs maybe once a week
wearing scarves is kind of fun!
I'd forgotten how much I love doing puzzles
Studying the scriptures and/or listening to beautiful music DOES bring me peace - the challenge is in fighting against the fatigue and sadness enough to do those things!

3rd chemo round - Thursday, June 9

Well, 3 down, 5 to go. Actually, now I only have 1 more round of the Andrimyacin/cytoxan drugs and then I do 4 with Taxol. According to the doctor, Taxol isn't as hard on your body as the combo so that is exciting!!!

I was a little worried when I arrived for chemo because my levels had dropped so low after the 2nd round. If they don't go back up to normal, then you have to postpone chemo, until they DO. Yay - I was back up. The "session" was just as the others. Whenever I get discouraged with the "look at what I still have to do" thing, I remember all of the people I've met during chemo. Most of them are going through much worse than I. I met a man this time who has a brain tumor. He has been getting chemo every 2 weeks, since December! And - he has to continue every 2 weeks through this December!!! It makes me so sad for him - but he seems to be handling it very well.

(Don't tell Dr. Rich - but I started in with a head ache Thursday afternoon and I took some Excedrin! Gasp!!!) Headache gone and I felt so good that evening that I went to my support group meeting. I got another bag full of goodies - I couldn't believe it. I also found someone there who actually didn't have severe side affects from her chemo, either. And 2 of the women told me that when their hair came back in, it was white -can you see me with white hair?? I'll look even more like my mom. :)

My darling daughter, Becky, came down and spent the day with me on Friday. We went shopping, she took me to get my Nulasta shot and we just enjoyed being together. [she helped me go through the bag of goodies!] On top of all she did for me - she even brought a delicious home-made lunch! It was really nice. Love you, dear! I was still feeling good that evening, so Kent and I went to Milagros for dinner. Got to see 3 of our darling grand kids. :)

Speaking of going to get my shot - while we were waiting I saw a cancer magazine - sorry I can't remember the name of it - but on the cover are 3 breast cancer survivors. Guess who one of those lovely women is? - our very own Jan Kunz - I know a celebrity!!!

On Saturday morning, my friend Penny took me to some of the "Hidden Gardens" here in Utah County. That was a lot of fun - beautiful day, beautiful yards and a good friend. Thanks, Penny!
I think perhaps I overdid those 3 days because Sunday was not so good. In fact, for some reason, Sunday is my hardest day - even when my immune system is high. I really struggle physically and emotionally on that day - it seems 2 days worth of time. Any thoughts?

The nausea seems to be getting worse - lasting more days and for longer during the day. Poor Kent puts up with a grumpy me quite often! The doctors gave me 2 prescriptions for nausea. One makes me sleepy/loopy, the other doesn't. However, the non loopy one also doesn't do much for the nausea! Ha, ha!!! So, I've decided that I would rather feel sleepy/loopy and NOT nauseous than nauseous. I'll be taking the other pill as needed!

Monday evening we went up Hobble Creek canyon to a friend's house. They had 2 new baby horses to see. Each May or June they host a party for their friends and any family members that we want to bring. Jenny and her fam came with us. The little ones can have rides on horses, on a tractor, in the shovel of a back hoe. There are trampolines, rope swings, zip lines - a kid's paradise! AND they serve warm, home-made chocolate chip cookies and milk. Thanks Flakes for an annual great FHE!

I had a lovely surprise visit from my friend Tina last night. She brought me a home-made blanket to help keep me warm. Isn't it beautiful? You're the best, Tina!!! I'm already putting it to good use.



Today [Wednesday, June 15] the sign is back up and my immune system is back down -- kind of like my emotions will be over the next 5 days. In fact, this morning on my walk I saw my friend, Marj - whose husband, John, is our home teacher. They [the home teachers, not Marj and John] came to visit last night but I bowed out since I'm low. Marj mentioned that John missed seeing me last night. I actually cried for the next block - because I missed seeing them too. Man, hormones - or the lack thereof, or chemo???

Thank you for your support and believe me when I say that your prayers are WORKING!!!

Slacker's catch-up!

Filling in the gaps since my last post - At my second nadir visit (June 2) my blood/immune levels were even lower than the first time. So, Nancy - who by the way, is not a Physician's Assistant, she is a Nurse Practitioner - I don't know if that is a promotion or a demotion - sorry, Nancy -- anyway, her advise was the same as last time, only more so, DO NOT GET SICK!!!!

Interestingly enough, however, she did tell me to go to my grandson's baptism and just sit in the back. "You've got to have a life", she said. So here is the experience at the baptism. When I found out that it was only going to be the Robins' ward and there were only going to be 3 kids getting baptized, I felt that I could definitely go and sit in the back of the chapel as Nancy suggested. The plan was that after the opening meeting, each child, with their family, would go to the font and be baptized/confirmed. "No problem", I thought, "I can just stand in the back and leave as soon as his turn is over." HAH!!

Fiasco 1: Saturday, June 4: Kent and I arrived at the chapel - it looked like people were gathering for Sacrament meeting - it was packed! Of course, as soon as the grand kids saw us they came running back and all wanted hugs, or at least to touch hands. Kent was very protective of me in that regard - I had a harder time resisting. Then, we also saw some old friends from years ago - whose grandchild was also getting baptized, so more hugs and greetings there. Kent finally kicked me out the door and I went and sat in the car until the actual baptism. My sweet son, Dave, came out and kept me company! We actually didn't wait very long.

Fiasco 2: Ethan was to be the first of the 3 baptized. However, instead of taking one family at a time, everyone in the chapel followed the Robins party into the font. [not literally! :)] So, I just stood to one side, saw him get baptized, and left. Sheesh!!
Well, at least I was there - and he knew that I was there.

That was one of two big events during this second round of chemo. The other was a last-minute reunion with the Winter Semester JC students. Don't worry - this was the Tuesday before my third chemo round, so my immune system was back up!! We had about 30 people show up - which was amazing! It was so good to see them, and hug them, and watch them loving to be with one another!!! The sneaky little students somehow placed a beautiful flower arrangement in the house and left it for me! Love you guys!!!!!



For the other days, here is what I have been doing to fill my mind, heart and soul with good things:

Kent and I love birds and before the warmer weather hit we were seeing several amazing birds that were migrating through to higher elevations. Because the snow was still so deep - we think they stayed longer around our yard. Here are a few of the birds we saw:

Western Tanager

Lazuli Bunting

Brown-headed Cowbird

Black-headed Grosbeak

In addition to these we have had our usual, house finches, gold finches, humming birds, doves, quail, robins, and house sparrows. Just the last couple of days we finally had our Blue Jays come back - so we are in bird heaven!!!

I also try to clean something every day, read, sleep, joined Netflix, do indexing, and I have now added puzzles to my "low days" things-to-do list. Thank you, Cards, for donating puzzles to help fill my bucket!

Restored

Yesterday, my personal wardrobe mistress, helped me pick out some hats, and accessories for my scarves. Here is today's look. Thanks, Yvonne - it was fun and I'm having fun "playing" too!! Next time, I'll try to remember to put on make up before the picture so I look a little less pasty!

Another friend, Sally Taylor, leant me some wigs to help me along the way! Thank you, Sally! those views yet to come.

So . . . .

I made myself get up reasonably early this morning and go for a walk. Good choice - for sunshine, fresh air, and beauty never fail to restore my spirits. I also listened to beautiful music as I walked - the more I listened the lighter my heart became! Here are some of the first words I heard this morning:

And when I think that God, his Son not sparing,
Sent him to die, I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing He bled and died to take away my sin,
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee, How great thou art! How great thou art!

How grateful I am for my Savior.