A little bit more about radiologist visit

OK, I'm feeling a bit better about my visit on Monday, so I'll share just a bit of info.
1. The reason I have to do radiation is:
2/3 of the women who have my kind of cancer and have gone through the exact same surgery/treatment would not need radiation - the cancer would be gone.
1/3 would NOT be cancer-free and would need the radiation.
There is no test they can do that will tell them which women fall into which category - hence everyone does the radiation - just in case.

2. Side affects from radiation "should be" easier than chemo. Here are the most common ones:
"Sunburn" to the radiated area - can get bad enough to blister and peel although they don't think mine will because I'm not doing it as long as some do. They also gave me a list of lotions I can use to help with that.
Muscle aches under the skin, from radiation - take Advil unless something stronger is needed.
Fatigue -- I "should" have more energy than with chemo but not as much as if I WEREN'T doing radiation.
Lymphadema in my arm. Retention of fluids - swelling etc. I've decided that this is what is making me anxious. I thought lymphadema showed up after the SURGERY. Since I've come this far without any issues, I thought I had put that concern behind me. Apparently not. The doctor will give me a prescription for a mastectomy sleeve that I have to wear whenever I fly. Hopefully, that will be the extent of it!

I think the rest of my anxiety is just the unknown - which seems silly to my logical mind, given what I've already gone through -- but there it is!

Anyway, I have an appointment in about 2 weeks to get an X-ray and Catscan of the area and then little tattoos to mark exactly where they want to do the radiation. One week after that I being 5.5 weeks of radiation. I go in everyday, Monday - Friday, for about 20 minutes or less and have the weekends off.

On the upside - I REALLY like Dr. Clark and his staff. So good!

Visit to Radiologist

Well, Kent and I met with doctor Clark today. We both liked him very much. He and his nurse were both very caring, compassionate, and nurturing. My reaction to this visit surprised me -- I have been anxious all day. Even after meeting with the doctor I am still anxious. I'm not sure why, since this should be much easier than the chemo was - even Dr. Clark said so.

For now, since I AM feeling anxious, I'm not going to talk about all that I learned today. I'll tell you later! :)

More cabin

I was hoping to have more pictures - but not yet. But I did think of something that I wanted to share. I was a little bit concerned about how the grand kids would react to me without hat or hair at the cabin. Here is what I discovered: Haley and Lexi, both age 5, were very interested in seeing me without a hat. Haley liked to rub my head and they both spent quite a bit of time removing and replacing my hat.
The first time I took off my hat [actually, Haley or Lexi probably took it off :)] Max, who is 3 said:
"Hey, you're bald, just like me." He never gave it another thought after that!
Ethan, who is 8, was telling me about something and he suddenly just said, "Ok, this is freaking me out, could you please put your hat back on." :)!

Ah, the wonderful innocence of children!

Cabin get-away

What a great weekend we had!! Lou Ann's cabin is next to Solitude in a lovey, shady grove next to the river. Awesome!! Basically, this is what we do at the cabin:
play games
eat
play more games
take turns in the hammock with various mixes of children
eat
Dwight & Jenny do a treasure hunt for all of the kids
play even more games
eventually go to sleep at night and begin the routine again the next morning. :)

Kent and I were able to go on one walk in the woods but then the bone pain kicked in. But, here are a few beautiful flowers that we saw on the walk. I've also included photos of the cabin experience! I didn't get pictures of all the kids yet, so I'll post some more later!





Below is Kent with Max [3] & Jackson [12]:

This is Aspen [9]:


This is most of us playing a game:


Haley [5]:

Lexi [5]:

Kent:

Skylar [4]:

Only ONE more to go!!!!! Woohoo :)

So, okay, the bone pain lasted 4 days instead of 2 this time and I think I napped more during the day than I ever have since starting chemo - but I had treatment number 7 today and life is good. My dear friend, Penny, came and stayed FOR THE ENTIRE TIME [well, she actually ran to the store for a minute] but - really? Wow - she is amazing. Another one of my angels.
You know how when you start remembering and acknowledging blessings in you life - you suddenly have a perfect memory?! Well, I need to add several more angels to my previous list of angels. See above for one. An angel made Kent and I sandwiches when we went to sit by the Provo river last Friday. An angel shared a Magnum bar with me because she knows I love them. An angel keeps me supplied with library books and movies to pass the low times. Many angels have brought in meals so I wouldn't have to cook right after chemo. I've had phone calls, visits, notes, anonymous gifts left on my door step. ANGELS, ANGELS, ANGELS!!!! Thank you to all of you -- known and unknown. I am so very blessed and a lot of those blessings are coming through you and because of you!!

Had a really nice visit with our son Jonny - he was in town for the weekend. It has been awhile and it was so good to see him happy, and clean! Love you, son!!

My brother Ed called the other day. I love him so much and wish he lived closer so we could spend time together. Love you, Ed!

Went to dinner with my wonderful daughters. I ALWAYS enjoy being with them and love that they love to be with me! Love you, girls!

We get to spend the weekend at LouAnn's cabin - can't wait. We always have so much fun and it is so beautiful up there. Thank you LouAnn for being so generous - love you!

We had a fun neighborhood dinner in front of the Galbraith's house. We have such a cool neighborhood. Thanks Galbraiths - and I LOVE my neighbors!!!!

Funny story to end - I have an appointment with the radiologist in a couple of weeks. His office sent me a "medical history" form to fill out and bring with me. - I've filled out dozens of these things - why can't they just share??????
Anyway, one of the questions on the form "Have you ever been exposed to toxic chemicals?" !!!!! Are you KIDDING???

Have a great weekend all my angels!!!

God knows who I am :)

So, after my previous, rather sad, but honest, blog - Heavenly Father sent 3 angels to let me know that He loves me and is aware of me.

Angel number 1 appeared on my doorstep with this stunning bouquet of sunflowers and an encouraging note. Coming from such a remarkable woman as she is - the note was quite overwhelming! Thank you, Angel number 1.





Angel number 2 is a fellow cancer survivor. When she heard that I was going through breast cancer, she wanted to come and talk to me. She has been done with treatments for about a year. She is the same age as my daughter Sarah and we've known each other since she was a little girl. Her visit reminded me that I am very blessed. I don't have little children who require my care whether I feel good or not. I'm not dealing with the forced onset of menopause - 20 years before I should be. I WILL have hair again. Thank you, Angel number 2.

Angel number 3 came to bring me a small gift - because she thought of the movie "Pollyanna" and wanted to cheer me up! Isn't that "ironic"? If you don't understand, go back to my blog posted on May 20. There is a scene in the movie where Pollyanna's friend takes her to play a trick on an old curmudgeon-y guy who has a reputation for meanness. Of course, they get caught and hauled into the house. Pollyanna turns the whole thing around and makes a new friend -- The man has several lamps made of hanging crystals. Pollyanna convinces him to take all of the crystals and hang them around the room, anywhere sunshine will hit them. The room becomes full of rainbows, the curmudgeon-y guy has his heart softened etc. etc. Anyway, my angel friend brought me a crystal of my own that I can hang in my window and have my own rainbow!

Thank you Angel number 3.

Thank you to all of you angels for the way you have blessed my life and given me hope!!!

Only 2 more to go

So, I've now had 6 out of 8 chemo treatments! Nothing new with this one. I had lovely visits with my friends Penny & Ramona - thanks for taking time out of your day to come and sit with me! Then my sweet daughter, Jenny, spent the last little bit with me and brought me home - loved spending time with you! Thank you, Sarah, for watching the kids so Jenny could come!

Friday we spent the day on the Alpine Loop. We got a table right by the river - I love the sound of the river. While we were eating lunch, a humming bird came right up next to Kent's face and then hovered all around him. Kent was wearing a bright Hawaiian shirt covered in flowers! :) It was really amazing - I wish I'd taken a picture. Here are a few pictures of Kent's growing collection of wild flowers:

These were some of my favorites.

He claims this was his:

Despite the bone pain, I had a really lovely weekend. Harry Potter is AWESOME and it was so fun to see it with most of my kids! For the first time in a long time I was able to attend all 3 meetings on Sunday. Our grandson, Jackson, gave his first talk in Sacrament meeting. He did such a great job. He looked at the audience, he spoke slowly and clearly and didn't seem very nervous! Way to go, Jackson! I was able to go home and lay down until our Sunday School started - maybe THAT'S why I made it through all 3! It was really nice to be in Relief Society. I love all of the sisters, so.

Now it is Monday morning and my bones are still hurting. Last night wasn't the greatest, but I did sleep!! If things go as before, the pain will be gone by tomorrow. :) [The bone pain has not left. It isn't worse than before but is lasting longer. -- I'm hoping I can sleep better tonight!]
I started this yesterday but set it aside because I couldn't quite decide what it is I want to say.

Despite the pleasant things I did this past weekend - they weren't as pleasant as they would have been if I didn't have cancer. I never feel totally joyful or enthused about whatever it is I'm doing. I haven't suffered what many people suffer from side-affects but emotionally I struggle. Even if I'm feeling "good" there lurks in the background this disease with all of its unknowns: Will it come back? Will I be strong enough? What am I suppose to learn from this and am I learning it? Is there something worse coming?? I HATE CANCER!!!


Yet, how dare I feel sorry for myself when my 2-year-old great niece just had a softball-sized tumor removed from her little head! She still faces chemo or radiation, or maybe both. How do you explain to her why she feels so bad - or what exactly it is that is happening to her?! Did I mention that I HATE CANCER!?

One thing I HAVE learned - your prayers in my behalf, work. I feel so much love and care from all of you and I love you for it!