Reflecting back and looking forward

These are some of the sweet people who take such good care of me during radiation:

Brooke & Brooke

Melanie, Gary, and Lindsey? I honestly can't remember her name :(

In addition to these angels, another blessing came yesterday. Remember how cold it was here?? [38 degrees when I went to radiation]. Well, I was cold, to say the least. In the waiting room they have a warming oven full of nice heated blankets! Heaven!!!!!!!

As for today - I have so many different emotions swirling around inside me right now. I'm so happy to be nearing the end of my cancer treatments (only 8 radiation to go!) yet I feel a bit "lost" without a cancer schedule to follow. I know that sounds weird. But I have spent the past 7 months thinking about, fighting against, and sharing my feelings about cancer. Now, thankfully, it is time to move on. On one hand I am thankful to be going back to Jerusalem -- It will fill my time, my mind, and my soul. It represents a victory in my fight. On the other hand -- It scares me - for I won't be here with all of you. I will continue to blog and I hope you will follow along and once in a while comment so that I know you're there!!

This will probably sound weird to most of you as well - but when I think back on what I've dealt with since March I feel sadder and more anxious than I did when I actually went through it. When Kent and I met with Dr. Rich earlier this week, I was not excited about seeing him. I felt solemn as I walked into that chemo room. Yet, my mind knew that we were there to talk about going back to Jerusalem - about getting on with life! That I wasn't there for chemo. Is this making any sense at all??
And going the other direction, most of the time when I think of the future I am happy, excited, and optimistic. Yet sometimes the fear of the unknown creeps in. I even worry that I have been BLESSED so much that there must be something really bad coming. :)
But, we could all do the same, couldn't we? None of us knows what our future holds - which is a good thing. We must just go forward, sometimes partway into the dark, and trust that God is there to guide us even when we can't see. I DO know that to be true - for it has happened many, many times in my life. But, it doesn't stop me from getting scared sometimes!

Thank you, Jan, for your words of wisdom and experience - it helps a lot! Thank all of you for reading along and loving me anyway!